Adult braces, cobblestones, and poetic justice





As seen here.



If you've been reading this blog for a while, you probably know that I like to mention and—let's be honest—mock Cavendish for his teeth and their sepia coloration. In a way, mentioning Cav's teeth is my signature move, it's my "Hasta la vista baby". Mocking Cavendish for how his teeth match the yellow on his jersey may not seem like the height of comedic genius to most of you, but it's all I've got. Yes, I know its childish and mean to mock people for their appearance, but I've been known to be both childish and mean. It's with this in mind that nearly every reader of the blog alerted me to Cav's "dental issues" early this season. While I briefly considered posting about his tooth-related troubles, I never really got around to it. Then suddenly, only a couple of days ago, I found the image you see above. Although decidedly less sepia-colored, Cavendish's teeth were now clad in adult braces. It must have been my lucky day, because life had just served me up a fantastic comedic opportunity. Or had it? While most of you surely think I would have a field day with endless references to Cavendish and his adult braces...reality is actually much more complex. You see, I will not be making fun of his adult braces. No sir. I refuse, and here's the shocking reason why. It's not just because I'm slowly evolving as a human being. It's also not because I'm trying to be a better and kinder person. There's another reason, and here it is:


I too have adult braces.


If this isn't a case of poetic justice (the literary device, not the film staring Tupac and Janet Jackson), I don't know what is. Stupid karma has come back to bite me in my saddle sores. I've been hoist by my own petard. Now that he has braces, mocking Cavendish would entail mocking myself. Damn it to hell. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? The party's over! Over I tell you!

If you're going to ask why I have braces, or if you're going to ask me if I'm 12 years old, spare me. You think I don't know how dumb I look? Well, I do know...and it's pretty bad. My braces, however, were something I had to do for serious health reasons (long story) and thus I now find myself wanting to share tips regarding braces and their upkeep with Cavendish. I guess the only good part about having braces is that for once I own something that is made out of titanium. That aside, it's a pretty sad state of affairs for me. Good lord, how the mighty have fallen...and I don't say that as a figure of speech either. The mighty, that would be me, have fallen. Literally. Last week I fell off my bike on an unpaved road while going pretty fast downhill. Road rash, cuts...all that. The unexpected injury? My inner lips being fused to my braces because of the impact. I had to separate the two like a zippers. Ugh. Also, riding in the cold makes the braces super, super cold and uncomfortable. Sounds like fun huh? I have the same issues as a 12 year old girl. Ain't life grand?

But that's not all. On another tooth-related note, I wanted to share the following picture with you.




"What is that?" You are probably asking yourself. Well, don't get grossed out, but it's a filling that came out of my teeth. I know, I know...now you're totally grossed out. Sorry.

You see, in preparation for my trip to Roubaix next month (I will be seeing the race and riding a good part of the course with my brother), I've been taking the long way to work lately and jokingly trying to ride through block-long cobbled sections as fast as possible. The cobblestones I ride range from civilized to downright brutal, but the sections are very brief. I do this for fun in the mornings, as a way to get excited about the trip, and in order to pass the time. It was seconds after riding through one particularly bad section that I instantly felt something in my mouth. I had been holding my mouth tightly shut during this short adventure, and at the end of it, I felt a piece of hard candy in my mouth. Odd, since I was not eating any candy at the time. So I quickly realized what had just happened. Yup, the cobblestones literally shook a filling out my teeth. To be fair, this semi-clear filling was put into one of my molars as part of my super-cool orthodontic treatment, not because of a cavity, but its the same material and was put into my mouth in exactly the same way. It's with this in mind that I worry about my fate in the real pave that I will face in France. If my fillings are already coming out from the cobbles here at home, I think I may come home from France in multiple pieces along with my bike. I hope my braces are still in place after the trip though, because orthodontic treatment is damn expensive.




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Here's an unrelated link you might enjoy:
"Schleck calls Pozzato "Metrosexual" with mixed reaction"

Keep an eye out:
Two Colombians will be at Milan San Remo this Saturday. Rigoberto Uran (from the city of Medellin will race as number 77, Caisse d'Epargne) and Jose Serpa Perez (From the small town of Corozal, number 35, Androni Giocattoli).

Santiago Botero:
Gold medal

Pink:
Get it? Her name is Pink, her bike is pink...