Cycling Inquisition readers ask: How do cyclists go to the bathroom? Was it smart to take a bribe from Pablo Escobar? Is Eric Vanderaerden married?


As the popularity of this blog grows, so too do the offers from potential sponsors and benefactors (as I mentioned just last week). In order to gauge just how many free bikes, wheels, jerseys and urban camo compression tights I should be getting from these sponsors/patrons, I've decided to look more closely at what brings most of you here. Though I assume many of you use RSS technology to read this and (perhaps) other blogs, it appears as though a fair number of people are also getting here using 2005 technology, namely Google. Luckily, I'm able to see the very terms that people enter into Google in order to get here. I did this once before, and that post proved to rank only as "so-so" in the Cycling Inquisition Post Popularity Meter™, but I've chosen to do it once again. Why? Because potential sponsors have clearly stated that my unorthodox and freewheeling approach to blogging have made me into a valuable commodity. After all, how many other cycling bloggers would dare write about such amazingly unique topics as taking naps during long rides, or how riding slow will make you rich? Although that was rhetorical question, I'll go ahead and answer it for you. No other blogger would dare. As such, I sit high atop my ivory tower (which as I've stated before is actually aluminum with a faux ivory sticker, like the seatpost on the last bike I bought), from which I judge others. I sit proudly as the internet's favorite enfant terrible, calmly writing amazing posts like this one....ahhh, damn. Who am I kidding? I didn't have time to write a super-sweet post for today, and this is the best I could come up with. Yes, these are all actual phrases that brought people to Cycling Inquisition. Enjoy.

How do professional cyclists stop and take a crap or poop?
Tour de france riders number 2, poo bathroom

If you've had to explain general concepts of professional cycling to friends and family, this question has probably come up a few times. Next time it does, do what I do. Explain that the padded portion of the shorts is built to work like a highly efficient diaper, and that cyclists will freely do their business as they ride. Then, the next time you're watching a race, and Contador makes that Fire Marshall Bill face when he attacks (after someone has dropped their chain), just tell the people looking over your shoulder that he's taking a massive dump, hence the facial expression.

Marital status of Eric Vanderaerden
Are women seriously wondering about this? Have you seen what the man looks like these days? The man has a face that only a proctologist could love, teeth that can easily open canned goods, and a haircut that most closely resembles a bowl of rusty Ramen noodles.

I didn't like bogota colombia
Honestly, what was this person hoping to find by entering this phrase into a search engine? Some sort of validation? An entire online community devoted to visiting and then not liking Colombia?

What does Mother Teresa think about the Ciclovia?
I know I may sound like Jerry Seinfeld for asking this....but who are these people, and why on holy hell are they searching for this type of information? If you don't know what the "ciclovia" is, you can read all about it in this post.

bradley wiggins white shorts and shoes?
Bradley wiggins shoes
bradley wiggins sidi shoes or not?
What shoes does bradley wiggins wear?

Clearly there's a significant amount of interest in Wiggins these days, particularly his cycling shoes. Oddly enough, no one is asking about his extensive collection of cravats or his midwest-worthy white tennis shoes.

what's so special about colombia?
I'm insulted that anyone would dare ask this question, since the answer is obviously clear. First, I'm from that should answer the question. But there are other reasons too. First, awesome cyclists, second...biblioburro.
About fifty people a day get to the blog by entering the entire URL into Google. To those who do this, I'd like to ask the following: you do know that you could just type the same thing in that little box at the top of your browser and skip one whole step right?

robin williams falling off a bike + t shirt
I have no idea what prompted this search, but I would seriously buy a t-shirt with a picture of Robin Williams falling off his bike. Hell, I'd buy two of them.

poor muscle tone + slow learning and literacy + poor concentration cant swim + 7 years old
Clearly this person has a particular 7 year old in mind when they started this search.

Not only is the search creepy, so is the way it was typed out.

was it smart to take a bribe from pablo escobar
It's Google, not your roomate's Magic 8 Ball.

Pooping your pants for pleasure in shops
people who poop inside dressing rooms

s_itting inside department stores

After graduating from college, my wife was unable to find a job in her field. As a result, she worked at the Gap for about six months. During those six months I heard enough stories to prove that this sort of thing happens. And it happens all the time.