Breaking News: Cycling Inquisition somehow left out latest round of allegations (again)

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As all of you know, recent allegations within the world of cycling have led to an ongoing investigation that has received much press as of late. I'm speaking, of course, about the allegations that were made last week and none of you heard about, but I will now share with you. The allegations that I speak of were made against Fat Cyclist and Bike Snob NYC, and you can see them here, and here. If you're anything like me, you're probably too lazy to click on either of those two links, and are now waiting for me to tell you what these scathing allegations were, so I will do just that. The person making these claims strongly believes that Lance Armstrong and Team Radio Shack have paid off or bought (through gifts, meetings or whatever) both Mr. Fat Cyclist and Mr. Bike Snob in order to receive positive press on their blogs, and thus control public opinion. No proof is offered of this, but the theory was put out there nevertheless. I should mention, however, that Mr Fat Cyclist has refuted these claims and given perfectly good and understandable explanations in the comments section of this post. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, and anyone can put their theories out on the interweb these days...I have chosen (against the advice of the Cycling Inquisition staff) to take a closer look at this latest controversy, and the fact that this blog was somehow not considered worthy of influencing public opinion. How can that be? I'm insulted, to be perfectly honest. So I do this not to criticize the allegations, but rather to do something way more important. I write this today to understand how this blog's popularity is deemed to be so low in the public eye (or at least in one person's eye, or eyes to be more precise).


While I admit that we live in a time when pretty much anything is possible (I mean Joey Fatone is doing off-Broadway musicals, and New Balance discontinued the 574 shoe in my favorite color scheme...so the world has truly gone mad), I would also like to point out that sometimes the entire world is not filled with backroom deals, ghouls, gnomes and secret pay offs...although radio host Art Bell would have believe otherwise. I tried to tell this very thing to all the goth kids I went to high school with, who were also incredibly into conspiracy theories, dark spirits, UFOs, and something even more frightening... The Cure. But none of these goth kids would listen, because they deeply wanted to believe. Similarly, it would appear that those who love Armstrong in a sporting sense (let's put cancer aside) want to believe in something just as badly as those who detest the man. Interestingly enough, many of those who detest the man, used to love him and now feel cheated for one reason or another, and thus hate him with a deep personal anger. To both sets of people, I suggest that they go see an analyst about their daddy issues pronto. But let me stop right there. I must stop discussing the subject of Armstrong right here and now, because the last thing the world needs is another idiot with no new information weighing in a subject that has been beaten to death harder than a Spaniard in the cobbles. You see, like doping, I find the subject of Armstrong to be by and large, as boring as a rerun of Mamas Family. I mean, don't get me wrong, the first season of that show was amazing...but after that the quality of the writing dropped to a level that was somewhere between Riptide and Perfect Strangers.

Still, for those who believe in such allegations, the real test will be how Armstrong's severe cracking on Saturday's stage of the Tour de France is handled by these blogs.

Possible scenarios for how the stage will be handled:
If both blogs claim that the goal of the race was to crack and finish many minutes down, thus making Armstrong the winner...then we'll all know that they were bought off by Radio Shack, and are thus trying to control our minds via their writing.

If they choose not to talk about the stage, which would be understandable since neither blog is really focused on professional cycling, we'll still have proof...because they will be trying to cover up Armstrong's failure, by not telling us about it.

If they ridicule and mock Armstrong for cracking harder than a BP blow-out preventer, we'll still have proof...because they will be doing so in order to make us feel bad for Armstrong.


See how that works? If you want to believe such things any input you take in will provide the same output, the same answer. Since this controversy refuses to go away (not really, but saying so allows me to continue this post) because upwards of six people are up-ish in arms-ish about it, I'm here to step forth and make a few announcements of my own regarding this issue. They are as follows:


1. How on earth is it that Cycling Inquisition was NOT named as one of the blogs that could have possibly taken money/bikes/meetings from Armstrong in exchange for positive press ?
Look, I know my readership is small, but my influence in the world of cycling is undeniably immense. As such, I'm personally insulted by the fact that this blog was not named as one of the important media outlets that could potentially influence public opinion. I mean....does anyone out there believe that maybe I could have been in on a deal with a rider or team to give them positive press? Could someone please tell me that perhaps it's within the realm of possibility that that Euskatel riders paid me to say that their last names are not hard to pronounce, or that Menchov sent me a free bike to say that he doesn't crash every hour on the hour, and that the US Army sets it's atomic clock by his crashes?


2. I want a free bike
A recent Wall Street Journal article stated that 60 of the Trek bikes that were given to US Postal/Discovery every year would go missing since they were apparently sold to finance doping or other such practices. The WSJ clearly states that it was 60 bikes that went missing. As such, I must ask the following: If Armstrong and the team are now so focused on influencing public opinion through blogs, and they have a surplus of 60 bikes with which to pay for such things, how come I didn't get one? Need I remind you that there are a total of 50 influential cycling blogs, and that the one you are reading right now is #49? With 60 bikes available, each and every blog could/should have gotten at least one free bike. In case you can't do the math yourself, I'll help you since I have college degree from a prestigious state school. Here it is: 60 is a higher number than 50...so there should have been enough bikes to go around. As such, I have only one conclusion: Some of the guys higher up on that list went back for seconds, and ended up with two or three bikes from the free-bike pile. So yes, I'm willing to make an accusation right here and now...I firmly believe that some blogs have been double dipping, and going back to the pile o' Trek Madones that was laid out at the latest blogging convention that took place at the Marriott in Boise...and yes Embrocation Cycling Journal and All Hail The Black Market, I'm sorta' looking in your general direction. Okay, maybe I'm not...I guess I'm just eager to find out who got extra bikes while I walked out of meeting room C at the Marriott in order to enjoy their delicious and free continental breakfast. So, I hereby announce that I shall personally perform a thorough audit of the bikes in each of the top 50 blogger's personal stables. If I find multiple Madone's in any such stable, you (the blogger) will be found guilty of one of two things: Having not-so-great taste in bikes, or double dipping and getting seconds from the free-bike pile at the Marriott bloggers retreat. Either way, I shall mock you in public.


2. Cycling Inquisition is ready to sell out
I would like to inform all professional cyclists, bike manufacturers and professional teams that Cycling Inquisition is open for business. Do you want positive press that can/will influence public opinion? Drop me a line, I'll be happy to be your champion within the blogging world. I have a strong reputation within cycling community...by which I mean that a couple of people will read my posts from time to time....so why go to other high-priced blogs for your PR needs? Here at Cycling Inquisition (proudly ranked #49), we aim to please. Our prices for positive press, like our readership, are low, but our focus on customer service is high. Do you want a positive review of your product? Write me an email, and send your product my way. Do you want me to say that your team's kit is awesome? Send me a picture of it, and I'll praise it (offer does not apply to Footon Servetto riders). Are you Dave Zabriskie and you'd like me to tell people that you're actually funny, or are you Cavendish and you'd like me to say that your teeth are not khaki colored? Well...sorry. This thing that I type on is a keyboard, not a damn magic wand. There's a limit as to how much I can do for you...but drop me a line and I'm sure we can strike a deal for the right price. Let the numerous offers roll in. Cycling Inquisition is officially open for business!



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One other thing:
The Colombia Es Pasion/Cafe De Colombia team will be applying for a Pro Continental License.