Thanksgiving, a day when we give thanks to the professional cyclists who pluck their eyebrows, and to those who list their bikes on eBay

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Thor is thankful for the fact that the World Champion stripes act as a pheromone, which attract only the upper echelon of cycling groupies




Today, those of us who live in the United States celebrate a holiday known as Thanksgiving, unless you are Native American, in which case you celebrate Thanksfornuthin'. On this holiday, families around the U.S of A gather 'round their dinning tables, eat massive amounts of food and then spend hours awkwardly talking to relatives who they don't really get along with. Although I'm not an American citizen, I've also gathered that the holiday has something to do with the sport of football, which itself has something to do with wearing pajama pants called Zubaz, as you can see in this video.

Here at the Cycling Inquisition headquarters, we do things a little differently. Sticking to the original purpose of the holiday (by that I mean giving thanks, not genocide and watching football), we like to focus on the things that we are thankful for. Perhaps a couple of you who have met me, and have seen what I look like in person may be asking yourselves: "Jesus, you are an adult with braces, and my 10-year old niece is taller than you...what could you be thankful for?" Well, you certainly have a point...but through the cloud of inadequacy that surrounds me, I'm also able to see the good things in life. It's with this positive outlook in mind, that I now share with you some of the things I'm thankful for.




First of all, I'm thankful for the fact that recently-retired professional Ivan Dominguez has chosen to list his bikes on eBay (see them here and here), and I'm even more thankful for the fact that he wrote the listings himself (perhaps with help from Sammy Sosa). Please read the listings below, and enjoy. By the way, if any of you mock his ability to type in English, I will report you to the authorities for being racist. I, on the other hand, can laugh about these listings for hours since I'm a fellow latino, and like Ivan, English is not my first language (hence my own grammatical errors).




Whatever you do, don't ask Ivan if this bike comes with wheels. I'm serious. As you can see above, it comes "whit NO NO NO WHEELS WHEELS WHEELS" (click on the image to see it larger)
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Other highlights: "Don't let this get away from you hands. Here's Ivan Dominguez Jamis Road Training Bike ( my bike )and some times I use it as a race bike as well. The Bike is in very good condition, pain is also in very good condition, I take care this bike very well, well like all my bikes, you can ask around to all the people that know me very well about how do I take care my bikes."






Much in the same way that everyone agrees with the fact that Thomas Kinkade's depictions of lighthouses are the most sublime examples of artistic expression in the world, I think we can all safely agree with the fact that following passage is the best in the listing of this bike:

"Guys please, if you don't know anything about bike then just start from saying that on the emailnthatbyou will send me, please. I don't want to be rude but i hate stupid questions like if the bike is made of Carbon or if the bike comes with Shimano or SRAM. Thank you and don't take this on the wrong side, I just want you to let me know if you know about bikes or not so I can help you and not deal with stupid questions."


eBay listings aside, I'm also thankful for the fact that I'm not the only one who gets forced to go to the Olive Garden, in order to awkwardly meet people that my wife went to Middle School with.




What else am I thankful for? Well, I'm certainly thankful for the fact that the guy who played Furio in the Sopranos has kept his pony tail, and that he's found work modeling for ads in cycling magazines.





I'm also thankful for the fact that a bike I spotted recently, as well as its owner, both taught me an important lesson. That lesson being that spending $4,600 on a Di2 drivetrain, doesn't mean that you can't use your favorite plastic flat pedals on said bike.




I'm also thankful (as we all should be) to see that real friendship and camaraderie still exists with professional cycling. Consider the case of Stefano Garzelli, who realized sometime last year that he was the only professional cyclist having his eyebrows plucked in order to look somewhere between a Michael Keaton-era Batman mask, and the angelic face of comedic powerhouse Cartot Top. Once Garzelli realized he was alone in his fascination with facial depilation (oh yes, yes...I made that rhyme on purpose), he became self conscious. As such, he then asked around to see if any other professional cyclists would step up, and follow him to the nearest hair salon to get their eyebrows plucked or waxed as well. Enter Jakob Fuglsang, a talented rider, an eyebrow waxer, and firm believer in the buddy system. Chapeau Jakob, chapeau.