Investment advice from the only reliable source on the internet: Cycling Inquisition

Mulleted drumming sensation Dave Weckl is known as a "drummer's drummer". This means that no one other than a few recluse drummers have ever listened to his horrible (but technically complex) elevator music. Having said that, I should clarify that when I call Cycling Inquisition a "insider's blog", I don't mean to say that I have a mullet (although I did), or that I like horrible elevator music (although I do, and I've owned Steely Dan's Aja album in at least three formats), or that my readership is small (although it is, but I choose to use the term "selective").

When I was 15, I had a poster of Dave Weckl next to my sweet double-bass drumkit. I'm not joking, ask my brother.

The upside to being the proprietor of a blog that is preferred by industry insiders (aside from the thousands of free Gutr sweat bands that I'm currently surrounded by as I write this) would have to be the fact that I'm often privy to amazingly secret insider information. Before I give you a bit of the kind of information I'm referring to, allow me to first give you proof of my status as an important human being. I do this for the edification of my readers, and not to prove anything to anyone. You see, as a highly evolved human being, I don't need such validation...although if you ever meet me in person, I ask that you please limit the amount of time that you laugh at me due to my adult braces to three minutes. Similarly, I hereby request that all laughter regarding the height difference between me and my wife be kept to under nine minutes. Anyway, I hereby present you with exhibits A and B:

His reply was concerning this. And this.

Now that I've given you proof that I'm important, and thus better than you, I think you'll understand why certain investment opportunities within the cycling world are made available to me from time to time. These are opportunities that you, the common folk, are largely unaware of. So as a way of saying thanks to my readers, I will now let you in on one such investment opportunity. Sure, I didn't tell you guys about the IPO for the makers of the Gutr Sweatband, and for that I apologize. Had I done that, you'd all have a fleet of Rolls Royce Phantoms, with trunk mounted bike racks (as I do)...but sometimes there can only be one Sheriff in town. And that's me. Having said that, I hope today's post will make it up to you.

My wife jokingly refers to our expansive country estate as "the house that the Gutr Sweatband IPO built"

So enough preabmle about this great investment opportunity. Let me just tell you what it is, because it's better than both Amway and Avon combined. This is your chance to make the investment of a lifetime. I'm talking about the chance to buy a bike that once belonged to "Gyro Winner Andy Hampston". You read right folks, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Don't pass this up! How often does one of Andy Hampston's bikes come up for auction? A bike from Andy Hampsten would be one thing, but this is Andy Hampston! Even if it's not a bike he used to win the Gyro, or the Giro... this piece of cycling history is priceless. Although some might argue that Bob Roll's suitcase, or those finger-paintings by Pantani were certainly up there in value as well. (You can see both here)...this bike is surely worth more. It's probably worth much more than the $2500 pair of Lance Armstrong-type cycling shoes that is up on ebay right now. I'm talking about Andy Hampston here people! Wake up and smell the Gyro! The time to invest is now!

(click to enlarge)

Luckily, since the readership of this blog is small, I'm guessing that we can all go in on this auction together. We can split it eight ways, sit on it for a few years, and then sell it to one of those people who's way into civil-war reenactment type rides. The way I see it, pretty soon those people will run out of eras to reenact, and they'll be left having to mimic the leisurely rides that ex-professionals enjoy going on. I know this may sound like a long-shot, but all great financial plans demand a bit of risk taking from those who stand to profit the most. Join me won't you?

. . .

With the financial advice portion of the post out of the way, allow me to make a more serious statement. Here it is:

Even though only seven people read this blog, and my opinion matters little to anyone aside from Jonathan Vaughters, I'd like to give a congratulatory greeting to Graeme Obree for making what must have been an incredibly tough decision. Obree has decided to come out, so I hereby tip my hat (or aero helmet) his way as a result. I hope those around him, and the cycling community in his town will continue to embrace him. Obree has faced a good bit of strife during his lifetime, and perhaps his decision to come out will help in these matters.

As for everyone else, things are looking up for us too. I mean, it's not everyday that we get to bid on a bike that belonged to a Gyro winner. We all have a reason to be upbeat. So, try to get a good ride in this weekend, and remember to keep an eye on that auction. If you get sweat in your eyes, and thus can't keep an eye on the auction...simply run to the nearest bike shop, and get yourself a new Gutr sweatband. Because you'll look awesome wearingit, because they work, and because I need a new Rolls Royce Phantom.